without struggle there is no progress

Today I am struggling.

It has been a rough week for me. Pretty much immediately after my epic Monday run, I started feeling light headed and dizzy. I went to bootcamp on Wednesday and had to stop a few times to catch myself, the dizziness was awful. Speaking of dizzy. I am dizzy right now actually. ugh...

I started taking medication for high blood pressure on September 11th 2006 after having a rapid heartbeat at work. My doctor at the time put me on a two week stress leave hoping that the time off would help me, but really it didn't do anything for me but make me not want to go back to work.

Initially my doctor was concerned because of my age and lack of hypertension on my family. I was sent to a cardiologist to check on my heart. When my heart was fine they turned their attention to my kidney's thinking that an artery must be narrowed which would explain the hypertension. When that checked out ok too, I was diagnosed with Essential hypertension, which really means I just have high blood pressure. It amazed me that through the months of tests and medications that my weight didn't come up as a possible reason for my problem. I remember asking the cardiologist on my initial visit about it and she told me that losing a few pounds wouldn't hurt, but that it might not have anything to do with it. If I did lose a few pounds and I didn't need medication anymore that would be great, but until it happened no one knew for sure.

The initial medication that I was taking was agreeing with me, but after my cardiologist found out I was trying to get pregnant with my first daughter she switched my medication to a safer one. I have been on this medication since, until this summer when I noticed that my legs were swelling and my skin was feeling so tight I though my legs were going to split open. What I was blaming on too much salt and a hot summer day my doctor was blaming on the meds that I had been taking for so long. My medication changed and I have felt "off" randomly ever since.

When I went to the doctor today to discuss my dizziness, my medication was the first thing to come up. I have complained of dizzy spells before and that is a side affect of this med, as is headaches which I have also had all week long.

My doctor did something that I always hoped would happen.

He took me off my blood pressure medication.

I am not celebrating yet, and I am being cautiously optimistic that this will last. I have to track my pressures for a couple of weeks. If It stays within range I will be ok without the meds. If it creeps up on me I have to go in and try a new medication.

I didn't react to this news in the way I had imagined I would. I thought I would be jumping up and down. I thought my doctor would be congratulating me on getting off my meds, but instead he told me that he assumed that in 3-4 days it will creep up and I will be back in his office. If I have to go back on meds even with the weight loss and exercise I think that I will be very disappointed. I know that they told me that it was Essential, but honestly I just don't buy it.

I am overweight.
I am out of shape.
I wasn't taking care of myself.

Today I ate popcorn and granola, and a jawbreaker that I found in my cup holder.

Today was a struggle, but without it there is no progress.

this is me being cautiously optimistic